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Clemence ([info]clemencea) wrote in [info]birthwritelab,
@ 2007-03-01 19:17:00


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Scene With Connor and Clemence
(Posted with Stargazer's permission)



Clemence walked toward the Lighthouse, clad in casual clothes and comfortable shoes. She had a smile fixed on her face, and was excited (to the point of dorkdom) of learning to, well, work. Okay, so she was a little nervous, too. The young girl entered the bar, wondering if there was some back room she was supposed to go to.

Things at the Lighthouse were just opening up for the day, so Connor was taking a last sweep of the area before unlocking the doors. He was a little tired, having not gotten much sleep the previous night, and he rubbed a hand over his eyes as he finished setting out the bowls of peanuts on the bar.

It was going to be a long day, he could feel it. The dreams were still fresh. He hoped he'd be able to maintain.

Clemence walked up to Connor as he set things up on the bar. She cleared her throat quietly. "Hi there...I'm Clemence. Jo hired me?" The second part of her introduction was a question phrased uncertainly; her excitement had waned and the nervousness had taken over. She would have been more confident if she had any kind of experience. As it was, the mood in the room seemed sort of...drained.

"One second, I'll be right with you."

Connor held up his index finger in a 'hold up gesture', poured himself a cup of coffee. Adding two spoonfuls of sugar, he stirred them in and took a careful sip, then set the object down. Okay, that would make it better. He turned towards the blonde girl, offering her a polite smile.

"Hi. Sorry about that, I just can't seem to get moving this morning. Clemence? Hi, I'm Connor." The young man extended a hand across the bar. "A new hire? Is this your first shift?"

Clemence smiled and nodded, waiting patiently. She could understand having a slow start in the morning; she had her own insomniac nights, as well.

She took his hand, shaking it. "Hi, Connor." She returned the smile. "Yep, I'm new. And this is indeed my first shift." She glanced around the empty bar. "At least it's not too busy."

"Its never really busy except in bursts from what I can tell, but you never know. You're here just in time, actually, the doors just opened. Must be Julie's off day today. Can I help you with anything before we get started with the shift?"

He shifted his coffee off of the bar, looked back into the kitchen where the day cook was making preparations for setup as well. "Just a sec, I'll go get you an apron."

She nodded in acknowledgement of his words. "The last two times I was in here, it was only busy once. That was later in the evening, though."

Clemence looked down thoughtfully. "No questions so far, I don't think. But I'm sure I'll have them later. This is the first time I've ever done work like this," she explained.

Connor brought a clean white apron from the storeroom and handed it across the bar to Clemence. "First day, first bar?" he asked with a slight smile. "You must just have gotten into town, then. I pretty much fetched up at the door my first day here too looking for work. Jo was nice enough to give me a chance too."

The Destroyer looked at the coffee pot. "Want a cup, by the way?" he asked somewhat belatedly. "I made it so I can't guarantee the quality, but it is fresh."

She took off her hoodie and tied the apron over her t-shirt. "Well, first bar, too. I'm not exactly of drinking age."

Clemence laughed. "I got here about nine days ago, actually. So yeah, I'm pretty new. I came here to get out of the cold, and Jo offered me the job. I'm really grateful for it, too."

The girl shook her head politely. "No, thank you. Although I'm sure I'll be thirsty later, but water will do then."

"Okay, cool. Um..." Not of drinking age. That meant he'd have to tend to the beer sales for the afternoon, then. He checked out Clemence's shoes from where he stood, nodded at her choice of something comfortable. "Mostly we just serve coffee and juice in the mornings, but by the time afternoon rolls around there's beer too. I'll take care of that part."

He paused for thought, then added, "Clemence. That's an unusual name, but it's pretty. Where did you wander in from?"

Clemence brightened up considerably. "Oh, I can make coffee. And pour juice, and even bring it to someone without spilling." She grinned, her good mood returning.

The blonde restrained herself from blushing. "Thanks. It's um, French for mercy." She paused, blank look on her face. "I came from outside," she said, gesturing behind her to the door. A moment, and then...

"You meant where I came from. Sorry, that was like a brain freeze or something. I'm from North Carolina. You?"

Connor very carefully kept a straight face, but his blue eyes lightened with good humor as he responded, "California. I was going to school out there, then decided to take a break from college and see some of the country before going back. Searchlight's really quiet compared to Los Angeles, but I like it so far."

He pointed through the open window towards the kitchen. "Food prep is in there, obviously. I'll get you an order pad before the first customers show up. If you didn't bring your own lunch, you can order something here or at the diner, which is pretty close by."

Another pause, then; "Have you run a register before?"

She smiled good-naturedly. "California. I haven't been there yet. I'd like to, though, at least once."

Clemence shrugged. "Quiet can be good sometimes. I have this guilty pleasure kind of thing about quaint little towns. Just the atmosphere, and sometimes the weird little souvenirs you find in shops. Although I get kind of antsy at the lack of what bigger cities have to offer."

She nodded, taking everything in. "Do a lot of people order food? Jo told me mostly people stick to the booze."

"Truckers come in from the highway sometimes, they usually order burgers or something. We have a small regular crowd, they're the ones who stick to the beer. There'll be the occasional guy who gets a little too much to drink, but that doesn't happen often. If there's a problem, I'll handle it."

Connor scowled faintly, thinking of Tristan. He hadn't seen the vampire since that night out in the snow, but he was keeping an eye out just in case. "Were you here for the outbreak of weather we had, or did you miss that?"

Clemence looked slightly worried at the thought of any customers getting out of hand. She wasn't exactly a bodybuilder. She shook her head, as if shaking the thought away.

"Oh, I was here for it, alright. I actually experienced it the moment I came to Searchlight. Trust me, it was an odd first week in town. Snow in the desert, getting a job, and meeting a strange British man who warned me about being out at night...yep, pretty strange first week."

A strange British man. Corbett? Connor looked over Clemence's shoulder as if expecting to see the individual she was talking about, lifted one eyebrow. "An older guy, kind of bookish, talks sort of hoity-toity?"

The door creaked open, and the young man reminded himself to oil those hinges as someone clearly just off of the highway shuffled in. Probably looking for a cup of coffee before finishing the push up the highway to Vegas, he decided.

"Hope nothing happened that shouldn't have."

Clemence had to put her hand over her mouth to keep from giggling. "Oh, goodness, no. Younger, totally fake blonde hair, kind of...punkish. He called me pet." She rolled her eyes.

"He was all weird and jumpy, warned me about not going out at night. Said I could get killed. I just kinda humored him, went inside." She shrugged. "He didn't do anything but talk."

She glanced toward the patron that just entered. "Should we take care of him?"

Connor sighed very quietly. Spike. He wasn't sure if that was any better than Tristan hanging around. Claims about a soul or not, Spike was tied irrevocably to Angel, and Angel was tied to a lot of things he'd rather not deal with or even think about.

"He's probably just some weirdo," the Destroyer said lightly, shrugging it off. "But if you ever feel like somebody's giving you trouble, don't hesitate to come talk to me. I've worked security before, even if I don't look like it, and I'll handle something for you if you're uncomfortable."

He gave the slightly rumpled traveller another look, then gave Clemence a smile and a nod. "Tell you what, you can consider him your first customer. I'll grab an order pad real quick for you and be right back. Hope you enjoy your first day at work here. You'll probably be meeting Julie soon enough."

Clemence laughed. "Probably. Called himself Spike..." She smiled at Connor. "Thanks for the offer. I hope I'll never have to take you up on it, but thanks."

The girl nodded nervously. "Okay. So I just...take his order." She was trying to steel herself, waiting as he fetched her the order pad.

Connor handed the note pad off when he returned, moved his coffee cup again to carry it across the room. Giving Clemence enough space to deal with her first duties as the tourist slumped onto a stool.

"Coffee," he said, rubbing a hand down the side of his face. "And scrambled eggs with cheese." His name was Glenn Kimbrough, and he'd been driving for over eight hours. The sheer flatness of the desert had forced him to seek a town before he went stir-crazy inside the car, and Searchlight had been the only option.

Not much of an option, but still.

"How far do I have to go to get to Vegas?"

Clemence jotted down the order quickly. "Coffee, scrambled eggs," she muttered.

She glanced up at the haggard-looking man. "Um...I'm actually not sure." She bit her lip. "I'll go hand this order in and find that out right away for you." She glanced at Connor nervously.

The young man gave her a reassuring nod. He remembered that first day of waiting tables with an impatient customer, and if you weren't prepared for it, it could be pretty nerve-wracking. But it was early enough that she'd probably get the hang of it.

Glenn just nodded, barely wasting a grunt on the girl. He'd been supposed to meet his brother-in-law for a brief gambling jaunt yesterday, but he'd gotten turned around on the highway and ended up in Reno instead. Not that Reno was bad, but he hadn't been going to Reno, and his mood was considerably sour because of the delay.

"Damn highway patrol," he muttered. "Like the speed limit even matters when there's nothing to hit."

Clemence frowned, refraining from saying anything else to the man, and scurried into the kitchen. After giving the order and waiting for it to be filled, she sidled up to Connor.

"How far are we from Vegas?," she whispered.

"About an hour down the highway," he replied, occupying himself with arranging the salt and pepper shakers into their carriers. The guy had probably gotten a ticket and would be carrying the bad mood around for the rest of the day. His tough luck.

"I wouldn't let the 'tude get to you," he added. "He looks like less of a morning person than I am."

She nodded gratefully. "Thanks." She went back in the kitchen, grabbed the plate of eggs covered in cheese and poured a cup of coffee. She set both of these items before the man.

"Is there anything else I can get you?" Like the check, she thought to herself.

"Oh, and Vegas is an hour from here down the highway," she added hurriedly.

"This is fine, thanks." Somewhat less brusque now that his order had arrived, Glenn tucked into his eggs after a drink of coffee. He added a little more sugar, and the spoon rattled against the inside of the cup. He'd call Jerry from his cell phone when he was done eating and explain. Hopefully the idiot hadn't called Lisa. That would only make things worse.

"Good coffee," he muttered, halfway into the cup and halfway to Clemence.

From his position at the far end of the bar, Connor gave the blonde a thumbs up. It was only a minor hurdle, but to her it had probably seemed like a mountain. He felt like she was going to do just fine at this job.

Clemence grinned and returned the gesture to Connor. Okay, so it wasn't so bad.


(Post a new comment)


[info]emphasis
2007-03-02 15:12 (link)
This might sound weird, but I particularly liked how she responded with knowing what her name meant and how she said it. It gave a natural sort of flow to how conversations can sometimes go. :)

Just about the only critical items I can think of, would be about how Connor was able to guess Spike was being referenced. It's the writer's interpretation, but I'm not sure a British accent and blonde hair, on its own, would necessarily be enough. I don't recall Connor being familiar enough with Spike's regular speech patterns for the 'pet' terminology to have nailed it so automatically, but that's just my own, personal view! Is he even aware that Spike is sometimes in Searchlight, generally?

On the other hand, she clarified the identity of who it was without any prompting and the way she did it seemed natural. :)

And, similarly, I sort of liked how Connor was able to mentally bridge the connection between Spike and Angel and feel uncomfortable about all which that entailed.

And the nervousness of finding that first order a potentially insurmountable hoop through which to jump. That was nicely brought across.

Also, I was always taught, in English grammer, to never place a comma before an 'and'! It's an easy mistake to make and sometimes I find myself doing that, but it should never be allowed unless there is absolutely no other way of going about that. :)

(Reply to this) (Thread)


[info]clemencea
2007-03-02 15:15 (link)
I aim for my characters to speak as if they were real and not sound affected, so it's good to know that I achieved that.

I believe Connor has had a few scenes with Spike in the past; I remember reading at least one.

Ack! I didn't even notice that comma. That's something I'll be mindful of in the future.

(Reply to this) (Parent)


[info]browneyedwolf
2007-03-03 17:33 (link)
You both did a good job with the dialog and description, and I could really see the characters acting this way in that situation.

My only crit would be: How come Clemence didn't know how far they were from Vegas? Did she teleport to Searchlight? Drive up from Phoenix? What? :P A minor nitpick, but it just seemed odd that she wouldn't know how far they were from the major city of the area.

(Reply to this) (Thread)


[info]clemencea
2007-03-04 14:06 (link)
She didn't pass through nor has she ever been to Vegas. She took a different route from Arizona.

Thanks for the feedback.

(Reply to this) (Parent)


[info]sinister_darian
2007-03-05 16:56 (link)
Clemence walked toward the Lighthouse, clad in casual clothes and comfortable shoes. She had a smile fixed on her face, and was excited (to the point of dorkdom) of learning to, well, work. Okay, so she was a little nervous, too. The young girl entered the bar, wondering if there was some back room she was supposed to go to. [Nothing at all wrong w/ this paragraph, although I’d suggest opening the scene w/ some scenery or an atmospheric tone. I like to read about the stage and then have the character introduced into it.]

It was going to be a long day, he could feel it. The dreams were still fresh. He hoped he'd be able to maintain. [I like that last sentence. I can’t explain why.]

Clemence walked up to Connor as he set things up on the bar. She cleared her throat quietly. "Hi there...I'm Clemence. Jo hired me?" The second part of her introduction was a question phrased uncertainly; her excitement had waned and the nervousness had taken over. She would have been more confident if she had any kind of experience. As it was, the mood in the room seemed sort of...drained. [There was a slight jump in tone from her 1st paragraph to this one. Excited/nervous spiraled into something else very quickly. Maybe more narrative to set up the shift in her mood.]

"Its never really busy except in bursts from what I can tell, but you never know. You're here just in time, actually, the doors just opened. Must be Julie's off day today. Can I help you with anything before we get started with the shift?" [Wrong form of ‘Its’. Its is possessive. You want It’s, to contract It is.]

The Destroyer looked at the coffee pot. "Want a cup, by the way?" he asked somewhat belatedly. "I made it so I can't guarantee the quality, but it is fresh." [You know, this is something I notice when I use ‘Slayer’ so I’m not always overusing ‘Rhiannon’ or ‘she’. The presence of an intimidating title in a sentence about a coffee pot seems awkward.]

"Okay, cool. Um..." Not of drinking age. That meant he'd have to tend to the beer sales for the afternoon, then. He checked out Clemence's shoes from where he stood, nodded at her choice of something comfortable. "Mostly we just serve coffee and juice in the mornings, but by the time afternoon rolls around there's beer too. I'll take care of that part." [There’s a good flow of dialogue happening here. It seems real. It’s an easy conversation to follow and it’s practical.]

"You meant where I came from. Sorry, that was like a brain freeze or something. I'm from North Carolina. You?" [LOL!]

Connor very carefully kept a straight face, but his blue eyes lightened with good humor as he responded, "California. I was going to school out there, then decided to take a break from college and see some of the country before going back. Searchlight's really quiet compared to Los Angeles, but I like it so far." [Nice straight face. Hehe.]

Another pause, then; "Have you run a register before?" [Misused semi-colon. Should be a comma.]

She nodded, taking everything in. "Do a lot of people order food? Jo told me mostly people stick to the booze." [Colorful last sentence. Like it.]



(Reply to this) (Thread)


[info]clemencea
2007-03-05 17:02 (link)
[Nothing at all wrong w/ this paragraph, although I’d suggest opening the scene w/ some scenery or an atmospheric tone. I like to read about the stage and then have the character introduced into it.]

*nods* Good advice. I'll definitely keep that in mind.

(Reply to this) (Parent)


[info]sinister_darian
2007-03-05 16:56 (link)
Clemence looked slightly worried at the thought of any customers getting out of hand. She wasn't exactly a bodybuilder. [Not so much!] She shook her head, as if shaking the thought away.

A strange British man. Corbett? [LOL!]

"Hope nothing happened that shouldn't have." [Uhh.... What are you suggesting? Hehe.]

Connor sighed very quietly. Spike. He wasn't sure if that was any better than Tristan hanging around. Claims about a soul or not, Spike was tied irrevocably to Angel, and Angel was tied to a lot of things he'd rather not deal with or even think about. [I think it makes sense to recognize Spike here. The town has like 500 people in it.]

He gave the slightly rumpled traveller another look, then gave Clemence a smile and a nod. [Misspelled ‘traveler’. Don’t forget to spellcheck!!!]

"Coffee," he said, rubbing a hand down the side of his face. [That‘s a great description of what someone does when they‘re tired and want some food.] "And scrambled eggs with cheese." His name was Glenn Kimbrough, and he'd been driving for over eight hours. The sheer flatness of the desert had forced him to seek a town before he went stir-crazy inside the car, and Searchlight had been the only option. [Good info, better to picture him with!]

"Damn highway patrol," he muttered. "Like the speed limit even matters when there's nothing to hit." [Hee!]

"I wouldn't let the 'tude get to you," he added. "He looks like less of a morning person than I am." [Heh...’tude.]

"Is there anything else I can get you?" Like the check, she thought to herself. [Amen sister.]

"This is fine, thanks." Somewhat less brusque now that his order had arrived, Glenn tucked into his eggs after a drink of coffee. He added a little more sugar, and the spoon rattled against the inside of the cup. He'd call Jerry from his cell phone when he was done eating and explain. Hopefully the idiot hadn't called Lisa. That would only make things worse. [Good stuff, more details for us to wonder about and fill in our own conclusions.]

(Reply to this) (Thread)


[info]clemencea
2007-03-05 17:03 (link)
Heh, Stargazer is responsible for the disgruntled traveler. I thoroughly enjoyed the portrayal.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]sinister_darian
2007-03-05 17:07 (link)
I'm thoroughly enjoying her eyeliner in that icon.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]clemencea
2007-03-05 17:08 (link)
It is quite awesome.

(Reply to this) (Parent)


 

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